You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize