Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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