Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
