Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
