Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There r osticjed everywhere
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
