I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
