Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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