It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
