I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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