I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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