I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
