Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
