cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
