At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
