she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
