made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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