remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
