If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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