I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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