what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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