is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
