We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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