I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
