why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
