Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
