I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
