I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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