u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
