dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
