Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
