She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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