Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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