Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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