Having a random hookup so left but love u
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
