I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
two words...techno handjob
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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