I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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