The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
