We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
