So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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