we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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