You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
