I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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