I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
