After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
