Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
and she was petting her beer can
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
