Betty ford says i'm here all night
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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