this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
