I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
