She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
