Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
