Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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