sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
