Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
