Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
