We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
