ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
