Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
