My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize