I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is Oprah even human
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
