if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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