So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Boobs speak an international language.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
