I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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