I will die if light touches me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
