I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
