I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
