Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
