Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
