Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
