I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
